How are mathematicians like the Air Force?

They both use pi lots.

What does a mathematician use to measure the weight of trees?

A log scale.

What do you call the matching shirt and pants of an Eskimo?

Polar coordinates.

What does a logician pick when faced with a choice between ham salad and eternal bliss?

Ham salad - because nothing is better than eternal bliss, and ham salad is better than nothing.

What is the value of the contour integral around Western Europe?

Zero, because all poles are in Eastern Europe.

How do you make one burn?

Differentiate log(fire).

What is a mathematician's shortest joke?

Let e<0.

Why do mathematicians often confuse Christmas and Halloween?

Because Oct 31 = Dec 25.

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