On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.
Whenever you hear a man speak of his love for his country, it is a sign that he expects to be paid for it.
The theory seems to be that as long as a man is a failure he is one of God's children, but that as soon as he succeeds he is taken over by the Devil.
A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married.
Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance.
Conscience is the inner voice that warns us that someone might be looking.
A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers.
For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong.
The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule.
We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.
What men value in this world is not rights but privileges.
Before a man speaks it is always safe to assume that he is a fool. After he speaks, it is seldom necessary to assume it.
The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.
Every election is a sort of advance auction sale of stolen goods.
Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.