Puns

I just found out I'm colorblind.  The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.

I saw an ad for burial plots - the last thing I need.

Two blondes were driving to Disneyland.  The sign said, "Disneyland left".  So, they started crying and went home.

Don't worry about the bird flu - it's tweetable.

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?  It's okay, he woke up.

A termite walked into the bar and asked "Where is the bar tender?"

eBay is useless.  I looked up lighters.  All they had was 13,749 matches.

The French eat snails because they don't like fast food.

The difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a nicely dressed man on a tricycle is a tire.

I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.

Leopards can't play hide and seek - they are always spotted.

Don't spell "part" backwards - it's a trap.

I have a few jokes about unemployed people but it doesn't matter - none of them work.

To the mathematician who thought up zero - thanks for nothing.

Sign language is handy.

R.I.P boiled water - you are mist.

A clown opened a door for me -  nice jester.